05 March 2015

Broke up...

again...

this is a rather personal post. if you dont feel like going through my emo shit, u can just close this tab/window/page. tqvm. 

at the beginning, i thought it's gonna work out. she is the one. we are like minded. we clicked. we started as friends. we've seen too many lesbians broke up. we've seen lesbians take wedding pictures and end up splitting up (no offence to couples who did that). we want work things out no matter what. but it turns out, we are like that too. we didnt take any wedding pictures, but we paid deposits. all in all, i believed she want to work things out as much as i do. 



the final 5 months... i was working things out. alone. 

many asked, why? i told them, i am at fault. i always say i wanna break up. perhaps im getting my punishment now. i know it will work. i know we can be like last time. we were so strong. we are not this weak... i believe we can pull it through. we... i am still using we. 



the beginning 2 years, i know. i am at fault. my damn habit. i always say i wanna break up, but didnt mean it. 

before we started, i've told her i have this habit, she said she will chase, no matter how many times. words are definitely cheap. i guess she grew tired of it. and until sept 2014, everything was too late. i begged to come back. 

she said, she just want someone to come home to after work when she is tired. the room is a mess, she just want someone to tidy up the room and wash the clothes. a place to come home to. 

she said, i need to fix things with her family. 

there was once, after the huge argument, one of the days i went back to her place to do what im supposed to. tidy up the room, iron the clothes... her BIL asked her to tell me to get out from the house. i didnt leave. i want to finished them, then leave. i approached her sister via whatsapp, asking if we can talk about this, like any family would. confrontation. but i didnt get any reply. and i also made matters worst. 

given the fact that i always break up with her and also one of the break ups, i unfriended practically everyone that is close to her in facebook. i ought to deserve that. being angry at. but what i dont understand is, if what u said about treating me as a family is genuine, shouldnt confrontation is what family need when shit happens? 



i let it as it is. didnt dare to do or say anything, afraid of making things worst. just occasionally raising questions to make conversation. which didnt last. 

her sister gave birth to a baby girl. i caught myself looking at baby clothes. sometimes i took pictures and send to her asking if i should buy. she just told me not to... i obeyed. 

CNY, the first 2 yrs of CNY, u highlighted to me that the importance of me going over on the first day and second day. i obeyed. you would come over to Jinjang a while, pick me up and head over to your place. but this year, u shut me off. u didnt even come to my house and my grandma asked me to pass an angpao to you. 

did u respect my friends and family as much as i respected yours? 

in between then and the break up, i slowly moved back. i had time. i was an REN. i moved back cos i purposely chose the area near by so i have excuse to tell my mom for me to move back. 

it's funny somehow i'm being told by my mom, "u think here is hotel?". and i get that too at her place... that i questioned myself, where is home then? 

when i was an REN, she wasnt being supportive at all. it was somehow... demotivating. perhaps, i have became too dependent on her opinions. what others said, it doesnt matter. i still wanna do it, she said i cant make it. i am not strong willed. so, it went downhill. 

although throughout my jobless months, i appreciate it when she helped me. but whatever she did to help me, it gave me hope that the rship will work. it kept me hoping... 

i know u tried to find our blog. it's never ewinelle.blogspot.com. its luvinapuff.blogspot.com. remember the movie? and yours has always been ewinl.wordpress.com. which once in a while i will go in and read our good ol days, the 99+1 reasons why u love me, messages for me etc. just to feel back the warmth. something to keep me holding on. but everytime i read, i would cry buckets. 



from september until the day u told me u want to break up, u've been cold. almost like one word responds. i felt cold. but i held on... the only time i can feel u r warm again is on my birthday at heli and whenever u r drunk... r u that warm with just anyone when u r drunk? or only me? or to u that is just being silly when drunk? whenever u r drunk, u need to eat something. im just a call away. either i dapao nasi lemak from the mamak, or i cook maggi. forgive me for not knowing how to cook proper food. constantly keeping the hanky cold and wipe you to keep you cool so that u can sleep well. 

whenever i have nothing on, i will stay at home. clean the room, wash the clothes. one week load of clothes. do u know how heavy it is after washing that i would bring out for drying at the DIY laundry so you would have fresh clothes to wear?

when i was ironing your clothes, the ironing board suddenly fell and hit my leg like sandwiched, u didnt care a single bit. i wondered, will u care if it is the hot iron hit my leg?  

when i have period cramps, u didnt bother me a single bit anymore. when i had fever, u didnt come and see me anymore. when we were at home, we dont talk anymore. 

i wondered, where am i in your heart? do i still exist? 

even with all that, i still held on. i want to work things out. i want to talk to you. talk things out. but i am being brushed off by you. during weekdays would be, u r too tired, u r drunk or u came back very late. during weekends would be "dont spoil my weekends will you?" i didnt get to talk to you. i didnt get any chance. 

i want to know how's your day like. i want to know any funny thing happened. i want to share your ups and downs. i want to be apart of your life so badly and overwhelming to the extend that, i checked your phone, i checked your fb. 

u said i never changed at all. u really think so? 

u said i dont trust you. i do. i trusted you. i trusted you so so much that i put you in front of everything i do. from being an independent person, i became dependent. what u've always wanted. 

but u betrayed my trust. 

at the beginning, u think i was too independent and wish that i am more dependent. and when i am dependent, u left me alone. 

u said, “Wait for the propose.. I will be your family one day and protect you from all these..”... u left me when i needed protection most. 

u said, 終於找到背後的女人了,接下來我只有成為成功的男人就好了. u have succeeded... and u left me alone when i am at my lowest. 

u said, "比起自己受傷 我更害怕你受到傷害 所以我已經決定從此只保護你一個人 我最寶貝的老婆
你不想負責 全部我來負好了 我要讓你每天開開心心
如果真的到了走不下去的時候 我們跑也好 跳也好 無論如何 我都會牽著你 陪著你 愛著你 寵著你 所以親愛的 能把自己交給我 再相信你的笨蛋老公一次嗎, " ... i believed you. 


u said, 
" everything of u is mine
even ur anger..
only can show ur temper to me.. 
so i can comfort u"
i showed it to you, but u got tired of comforting me. 

u said, "你就是我生存的意义,因为我每天睁眼醒来就为了多爱你一些,我每天努力活着就为了多爱你一天" , u also managed to love me lesser and lesser, day by day... 

u said, "Babe.. please don’t ever let me go till the day I die.. because you are my best friend.. my valentine.. my soulmate.. and I want you to be my wife.. my family.. my only one in the future till the end of my life.. I want to love you and had you in the rest of my life.." i didnt let go... i never did... but u left me. this made me wonder. how many wives u wanted to be yours? 



u said, "Baby I really wish to have our own home soon you know? " i truly looked forward for it. but i didnt have a home. i was told that both is hotel. where is home? the recent months, u wanted to get a condo/soho... anything. i was happy. finally... our home... but u called it off. i dont know why. i didnt asked. 

u said, "牽著你的手,簡單安靜地走,我差一點以為,走著走著,我們就到永遠了" what is yong yuan to u? 

your 99 reasons... 
I love how beautiful your eyes are. - when was the last time u look into my eyes? remember there was once i asked u to look at me? i almost forgot how u looked like when u r looking at me. 
I love your courage to be you. - but u couldnt accept that i am me. 
I love the way you make me feel when I think I am nothing. - now that u r something, u took my everything, and left me with nothing. 

all your 99 reasons were all bullshit. bcos u do not live up to what u have said. 

thats right. all these are taken from both our blogs. u r so powerful with your words that i fell into which u did not live up to them. u enjoy the process of courtship and the freshness of a relationship. u will shower your new other half with lots of love and gifts. materials. but when there's issue, u have no guts to talk about it, u have no guts to work things out. the one who looked for an easy way out at the end is... you. coward. you broke up with me via whatsapp. to make things worst, when i am away, in singapore. 

i gave u my forever, and u treated me like a fool. 

finally, you told me... you have someone else but refuse to tell me who. 

you then asked a friend to check on me to make sure im ok. at this point of time, i think your care is not needed anymore. because when i need it most, u took everything away from me. do let me remind u that i am at my lowest... where was i when u are at your lowest? what have you told me when u r at your lowest? appreciate?? dont act as if you care. whatever i do in my life or to myself, is really none of your business anymore. 

i honestly believe that you still love me and care for the rship. it is just that u chose to give up instead of working things out. u chose to run away and want a fresh feeling of a rship. 

this is like the same cycle. when u r with your ex, u want to go after me whenever both of u have problems. now that its me, you would want to go after someone else...



to be honest, i will not wish u happiness unless u truly know the meaning of working things out in a relationship. truly know what it is like to be the man in a rship. 

23 February 2015

Kung Fu Smooth Pan Mee @ Taman Sri Sentosa

I was never ever a big fan of Pan Mee. Even I live near the ever famous SS19 Pan Mee stall all my life, I never had their Pan Mee more than 10 bowls. It’s only recent years when I’m with the current gf, she is mad about Pan Mee. That almost 10 bowls of SS19 Pan Mee of mine was achieved only in recent years. 

But this Pan Mee I’m gonna talk about, is the ONLY Pan Mee I would go for anytime. The ONLY Pan Mee I will never say no. The ONLY Pan Mee I’m willing to wake up extra early for. 

The chili that comes with it, I would add lime for the extra ‘kick’. 

The soup is so good, I would finish the whole bowl. 

The Pan Mee is so smooth and chewy that I don’t mind eating LOTS of bowls. Unfortunately, I will feel full and stuffed. My record was 2 and half bowls. :X

This is the Pan Mee I would recommend anytime. 

Photo credit to:- Him

28, Jalan Seri Sentosa 9A/133,
Taman Sri Sentosa,
Bt. 6 1/2 Jalan Klang Lama,
58000 Kuala Lumpur.
Close on Monday.
Tel: 016-288 3911

16 February 2015

Dinner out with ahma

That day my cousin brother (Wilson) came back from Singapore and we headed out for dinner with my grandma, and of cos with his mom (sikim) and my aunt (ahyi). We didnt know what to eat and we just drove to Subang Empire and walked around.

We ended up in Din Tai Fung. It’s small, and packed. 

Wilson and ahma. 

Ahyi and SiKim.

Wilson, ahma, ahyi and sikim. 

All of us! 

This is good! Probably the only dish that’s nice and good. Unfortunately, I forgot what this is called. 

Xiao Long Bao. Not much soup in it. Still prefer Dragon-i’s. 

My cousin sister said that this Hello Kitty is replacing her and eating on her behalf... Lol... 

Dunno what La Mian. Don't really like it. It was cold and oily. Maybe it was supposed to be that way? Well, it's just not my taste. 

酢酱拉面 Cha Jiang La Mian. COLD!!! 

Wantons in soup. The wantons are not that bad. 

Dessert. 

I find the food there was just so so and I really dont think that it is worth that price. 

After dinner, we went to Charles & Keith which was just next door. While my grandma sits and rest. I was posing to her almost all the bags to her and she laughed. While laughing, she warned me not to buy bags anymore. =.=””

Overall, the night was quite fun. I can see that ahma enjoyed herself very much. Whatever it is, as long as ahma is happy and smiling. :)

13 February 2015

Blueberry Banana Overnight Oats

First attempt to make a video of what I usually eat for breakfast. I find it is quite enjoyable to edit videos and upload the final edit. I might do more of these. Well, not recipe stuffs cos I rarely step into the kitchen... :P

This is just my way of making overnight oats, the way i enjoy it. :)


08 December 2014

Happy Birthday To ME!

Let me tell you guys how I celebrated my birthday.

For few days I’ve been asking Bii if she made any reservations, cos I didnt wanna clash with any of my appointments. I sometimes have appointments on weekends. Then, come that day, someone did asked for an appointment on that day, so at the end I just straight up told bii, “if you made any reservations, pls change the time”.

After making a few calls, turns out the other party had some issues, so there’s no appointment on my side.

Come on the bday eve, she finally told me the reservation is at 7pm.

Since she didnt tell me anything about reservation or whatsoeverrrrrrr... I didnt bring any dress along with me to her hse. =.=” sure, nvm. I can drive back to my hse to take a dress but nuuuuuuu... She drove my car to work cos her car was sent to do some stuffs. So, i decided to get a cab. Cab oso another disaster ahh!

So, i downloaded MyTeksi and tried 5 times! All cabbies rejected me! Den nvm, Uber la. Expensive but at least i get to try. :P but nuuuu!!! Dont have oso! I went back to MyTeksi, raised tips to RM2, rejected. Fine. I raised to RM5. And finally someone accepted. =.=” On my way back, i thought to myself, how many freaking thousand yrs ago was my last taxi ride?

So, i reached Subang, did my hair, touched up my make up with a few inches thick some more. But then she had something to do, so it was delayed a little. It’s all good. I manage to get some shut eye. Haha...

She came and picked me up. I had no idea at all where she is bringing me. Her waze was on for directions, so i tapped on the directions. Then she “OII!” me. Hahahaha!

We arrived at Menara KH. Never heard before, what’s inside? Lol...

We went to the highest floor, and i saw "Heli". Being greeted by captain and air stewardess uniformed hostess. Interior is kinda dark, and they only have a small section for dining.

We were of cos seated by the window with KL view. One of the reason why bii picked this place, i love to see lights. Even my previous car is filled with LEDs.





Before the food arrived, she told me she forgot to take her wallet. So she went down and took her wallet. And handed me these... Haha!


She had chicken and i had salmon. Not bad tasting. No complains. Her chicken is still moist and juicy with grilled vege. While mine, is just nice. Not too dry and it doesn’t flake, comes with grilled cucumber and capsicum.



We ate, talked a bit, drink a bit, then we ordered dessert. We are allowed to have dessert and wine at the helipad. So, we moved our seats. Walked up the stairs. By the time we reached our table, we were panting like mad. Hahaha! Lack of exercise!



The view up there... Breath taking! Maybe i ‘suaku’ never go top floors before, so to me this is awesome view! View both KLCC and KL Tower right before my eyes!!!









Then... we cam whore like mad. Haha!





At 11pm, they sent the “birthday cake” over. Bii said she asked them to send at 11.30pm. But i think they knew it’s gonna rain, so they sent at 11pm. The “birthday cake” is actually something like mousse. Then i finished the whole thing! Hahaha! It’s damn nice ah!



Haha! My dumb face. The wind blew off the candle and I looked at bii itu macam. 



True enough, it rained. We decided to leave cos it was getting really crowded below the helipad.

The next day, which is my exact day, we had our usual simple Saturday lunch. Chicken rice outside our house and we catch a movie at Setia Walk. After movie, i sent her to her family house and i headed back to have dinner with mom. ^^

Birthday resolution?

Well... Birthday + new year resolution.
Happier and more positive me. :)



Simple video i put up. :)


24 November 2014

Kluang, Johor - November '14

I’m sorry. I’m sick. But I wanna post something. But I’m lazy to type. So, here. Watch this. 




kthxbai

27 October 2014

I QUIT!

I’ve actually left my previous company at the beginning of August. I was actively job hunting. Really, when you start hesitating going to work, there’s definitely something wrong. You will feel like as though you are being forced to complete your tasks unwillingly. Even you have completed your tasks, you will still be in the did-i-screw-that-up mode. Not sure about my colleagues tho, but that was me. People always say, if you have issues, talk to your boss. Numerous times, my big boss would say, “you dont like it here, then leave”. So, i dont see the point of talking. 

As time goes on, i start to have these migraines. Up till now, it still lingers. I even went and see a neurologist and went for MRI scan. Well, of cos there is nothing wrong with my head. I spoke to a few friends on what i was going through, it was kept in me for some time before i get to talk to someone. My friend said it was perhaps i was having panic attacks. I got my chamomile tea and i got my lavender burning essence thingie. I was still having the same issue. So, my aunt suggested to go and see a therapist. i went and see a therapist. honestly, i didnt really see any improvement. so i stopped. 

During the period i was having all these migraines, i was on MC as well. Never in my working history i have MCs back to back. So, looking at the MCs i have took, i decided to call it quits. With immediate effect. While another stress fall onto me praying and hoping the company will not take their action for i did not serve my 1 month notice, i kept looking for job. 

I had a few interviews lined up. Sometimes, when u think interviews are only for companies to evaluate you, you are wrong. Interviews are for both parties to evaluate each other. You evaluate the company and the interviewers evaluate you on behalf of their companies. While you show sincerity wanting to serve for their company, they too need to show sincerity of wanting to hire u to be part of them. I agree on the term where there is no such thing as companies cannot survive without you, but i also believe that if the company wants to hire you, they should have an environment that you can work in.

I went for the interviews. 

1, The hiring managers were horrible. They talk as though my face is stuck on the ceiling. They gave me the impression like, can you work with indians (no offense my fellow indian friends, that is exactly what happened), if you cannot work with indians then we shall not waste time here. So from here, im already feeling there’s racism issue. At the end, they didn’t offer me the job, which I secretly felt relieved. 

2, I was made to wait for 30 mins. I strongly believe in respecting each other’s time. I went early. At least 15 minutes early. Then when the time comes, i was told to wait. Firstly, i was being passed around. From my understanding, i was suppose to be interview by this lady. Then “no, im not free, ask mr so and so to interview. Of cos i do not know who i was suppose to see at the beginning, but when i went in to the room. I was quite in disbelief. This guy was free all the time just sitting in his room. Not engaging on the phone or computer. So fine, maybe he is busy to think of his plans for the day. I was offered the job. Feeling there will be a lot of tai chi-ing, i turned it down. 

After all that, i decided to pick a non-salary paying job. Real Estate Negotiator (REN). I have been wanting to explore this line. Knowing that i have zero knowledge, i still want to join and explore. I dont deny that it is tough. It is. Nothing comes easy. Especially good money. So, I have been in the line for 2 months now. Making calls was no biggie for me for my background. I just need to improve on face to face. 

Im glad to have people who are supportive. I also have a bunch of people who isnt. :)

Now, spread around! As long as it is within Klang Valley, I will definitely try my best to assist. Wish me luck!