Thursday, September 29, 2011

im wrong

yes. i admit. i am wrong for screaming at you.

but, did u realise what have u done until it triggers me to raise my voice? did u know how long i have been burying it until i couldnt take it anymore?

mom asked me to apologise. so dont ever say i am not taught about manners. dont ever say 我没家教. mom asked me to text u to see how u r. asked me to text u ask u to come home. but i guess you'd rather be anywhere else other than this house cos u never felt happy n safe in this house anyways, am i correct?

i am not being ungrateful. hv i been ungrateful? only until recently i have been losing my temper. other than that, have i? i was wrong for screaming but the points that i screamed, am i wrong?

even my own friends noticed my temper has gone from bad to worst.

why do u need to over exaggerate everything? before u go to the extreme, have u ever thought how would my mom feel? ah ma fainted, yes. everyone is worried. but why the whole world needs to know and point fingers at my mom? when fingers are pointed at my mom, what were you doing? shouldnt u as a sister protect her?

the dog will always be an issue that none of us can solve. believe me, i have been thinking of ways to solve it but there is really no way out. please understand, kin boy has been my mom's companion for so many years ever since my dad left her. would u rather to see my mom protecting kin boy and baby or protecting the man that has been hurting her?

ah ma has been complaining stuffs to u. what makes u think that she havent been complaining to me? kin boy bite her. yes. my heart aches too. would u defend yourself if ahma threw the stool at you? when i was in secondary school, ahma threw the hairdryer at my head and uses the umbrella to hit me. even pulled my hair in public at the mamak... i became even more rebelious. its the same thing. dogs cannot understand our language. but they act the same. the way ahma is treating kin boy, kin boy is traumatised... just like u, traumatised by the major break in...

can u try to understand how important are the dogs to my mom?

recently i've been reading so many article about animal abuse. my heartaches. bcos seeing them being abuse reminds me of ahma throwing the stool at kinboy. but he is important to my mom... i dont know what to do... what can i do? other than just locking myself in my room, whatelse can i do?

whenever i post kinboy's pictures in facebook, the 1st thing that ppl would comment is, why am i so heartless tied up the dog? no freedom...

on the other hand, u asked me to get rid of the dogs bcos ahma is too tired to handle them. ahma came to me crying with her wounded hand. mommy came to me asking for solution...


did u realised ever since the break-in in 2009, u have changed? u shopped more. u keep using ahma as your excuses or reasons for everything. u go out more as tho u couldnt stay home for long. u dressed flashy as tho u r rich. dressing is just a shell, but behind that shell. who r u?

u knew very well, at this point of time, the only person who can handle ahma is u. but u hv to leave. u always say we dont care about ahma. what about u?

the recent break-in, u just decided to pack and leave. what makes u think all of us not afraid? why run? why cant think of a way to solve the issue? u rather go out and about asking for a place to stay when u have a place to go back too.

when u said if usj19 is available to stay, u hv moved long ago. cos u r not happy here. how do u think i would feel? paying the loan every month for all these? for all the arguments. for seeing ahma treating her own daughter like this. do u know what mom asked me? she asked me if she is being picked up by the roadside and she is not ahma's daughter.

instead of telling ahma negative stuffs, why cant u paint beautiful thoughts in her mind instead? u know very well ahma only listens to u now. why cant try to bring my mom and ur mom to good terms instead. the house is not perfect now. i know. we all are not rich. thats why we are taking a step at a time to make the house better, no?

i have so many whys and hows that i dont know how to answer. i only can wait and answer it myself one by one. even if there is no answer, i will try to make that question disappear...

please bear in mind, i am not pointing fingers here. i am just saying that we all have our dissatisfactions and insecurities about this house. we should live with it. deal with it. not run away.

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