Sunday, November 30, 2008

Your Call - Secondhand Serenade

Waiting for your,
Call I'm sick,
Call I'm angry,
Call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat,
Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes,
What's your fantasy? (What's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight

[And I'm tired of being all alone, And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home] [4X] (I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

**at first when i listen to this song, i thought it was another noisy song. but after i found out the lyrics... it was so so beautiful... it's like 'i'm born to tell u i love u but i cant cos im torn to do what i have to do'... sweet...

Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Ohh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

Friday, November 28, 2008

Good Day...

I am...

and if u wish to know the condition of the traffic in federal highway,

i'm at your service. :)
from my office i can have a wonderful view of the federal highway. once it started jam since 3pm! crazy...

Monday, November 24, 2008

Do you...

Still keep and save things related to ur ex?


Pictures together, love letters, emails, gifts… etc…

Once I broke up with CW, once I’m able to put everything down. I deleted everything. I even threw my ring away.

I don’t know why. Perhaps it is because I don’t like being treated what I dun like. Yea… I don’t like my current or future gfs to be still keeping things that is related to their ex. I’d be furious about it and start throwing tantrums. So I always believed that, when u want someone to treat u that way, do ur part 1st. So, I’ve done mine. Moreover, I don't want to have any chance that'll make my gf to feel upset.

The other day, beh saw my HDD full of pictures of me and CW. I didn't get to deleted it as my stupid PC back home can't detect my HDD. She told me her heart felt sour. My point here is, even when u know ur gf has a reason not to delete the contents, like mine, my PC can't detect... ur other half still will feel sour seeing ur past being so lovey dovey with ur ex. I told beh to delete it. Reformat it as well.

If u wanna keep and save things. You can. Make sure u don’t let me see it, that’s all.

We have enough rubbish in our lives. We do not additional ones. We have enough bullshit in past relationships, we do not need to bring forward all the shit.

So, start clearing all the rubbish and bullshits from ur mailbox, ur photo album, ur room, ur life, ur every single possible storage space...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Our say...

After reading so many post on protecting the Fatwa side, commenting on girls dressing code, we wear pants therefore that made us lesbo...?

I've posted up my discomfort in one of the lesbian forums... and from the feedback I'm getting is simply thought provoking...

I have to warn u tho. it'll be a long long post as their feedback on this is super duper long...


Feedback 1,
No matter what religion a person hold in their heart, others should respect the way religion is. To condemn others religions or anything related to it is rude. You want to help, help it with understanding and not with "stupidity" words.

Most Malay gave extreme response because fatwa issued are mainly meant to them. To non-muslim, it just a side hit. Most of them don't even feel any different.

It's a like a fire bomb throw directly to a group. Of course, whoever in the group will jump here n there. Whereas, others who are looking from distance, will only shake their head.
This scenario explain ur statement "do u realise that only the malays had so much to say and the chinese seems to have their head shaking towards this scenario? haha!"

Bottom line is, respect. Respect your own and respect others as well.

Tho' we are GLBT.. doesn't mean we are not-religious enough to understand what is respect.


Feedback 2,
It wasn't about condemning the religion. We were condemning the authority and the people involved in making the decision in the National Fatwa Council - note that there aren't any women in said council - who are abusing their powers over their religion under the mask of righteousness when it is, in reality, discrimination towards women and the pengkids/tomboys.

The words "Fatwas are stupid", etc. were poorly worded - that led to people misunderstanding that the protest in general was an attack against the fatwas and thus Islam which caused all the Muslims to be up in arms about it. It's not about the religion.

Being part of the LGBT community doesn't necessarily mean most of us are non-religious, though... but I digress.

The implementation of this one fatwa re: pengkids and tomboys (and I must emphasise, the emphasis on this fatwa and NOT fatwas in general nor the religion...) is a clear example of oppression. The issue and problem here is that these people, these members of the authority - are using religion to discriminate.

Members of the LGBT community are dealing with enough flak as is - the Mak Nyahs, transgenders, gay men. And now, the hate, prejudice and discrimination towards pengkids, tomboys and of course, indirectly, lesbians is going to skyrocket thanks to any kind of ruling that would discriminate so much against one's identity and self-expression.

Another main problem is that a relatively masculine gender identity/self-expression via clothes and the like does not equal homosexuality. Tomboys aren't necessarily lesbians, and similarly, feminine women aren't necessarily heterosexual.

The other issue at hand here is that... who decides where to draw the line at masculinity and femininity, and why should these people be allowed to dictate where that line lies? Because it's wholly subjective; and just another way to tell women the way to dress, and behave. Again, control over women.

Lesbians face discrimination. This is discrimination. Dressings and mannerisms of women should not be regulated, along with consensual relationships between adults. Particularly the first, since we know homosexuality is frowned upon by religion in general and of course, hardly advocated.

When the fatwa is fully implemented and becomes a part of the cold, hard law - tomboys and pengkids are going to be considered criminals. It is not that we are questioning their religious authority on the issue, when you get down to it, since they do have their reasons for having discussed and brought the fatwa up for consideration. These reasons just haven't been communicated to the public; people are in such an uproar over it because it seems shallow, but that's only because we don't know what they were really discussing when they came up with the said fatwa.

But when we know that tomboys and pengkids are not criminals, and that it's hardly a social ill - how can we just sit back and let this slide? This fatwa affects all of us in more ways than one. It's just that you don't need to be a Muslim to realise that this is still discrimination - in its purest form, against the LGBT community, targeting the pengkids/lesbians, now.

Also - People don't attempt to understand. They don't try to delve into understanding the pengkids, what goes on around the pengkids, and trying to perhaps fathom their reasons and why they express themselves that way. When you think about it, if they were to try to do so instead of just blatantly forcing these rules on women - well, what will result from that?

Assuming that is how it goes... At the end of the day, the tomboys don their dresses. Grow out their spiked, gelled hair. Drop and discard the identity they've adopted that gave them so much self-confidence over the years - into becoming someone else entirely. A softer, feminine echo of who they used to be.

Everybody's happy, and this question is never raised again.

Or IS everybody?

Is that really who they are?

How about the tomboys who weren't homosexual, who merely... like short hair? Who're happily married, with children - who like suits and ties? Wrongly prosecuted and shunned, because of the unnecessary discrimination wrought about by the misunderstanding that a woman's appearance determines her sexual orientation.

The tomboys are trapped within a cage - a shell of their former selves.

You can force a lesbian woman to marry men, to bear his children. To raise a typical nuclear family in our growing world, and have everything be alright.

But it will not be alright.You can't change what a woman feels inside, her identity, her being. You can dress her up any way you want, but at the end of the day, you're suppressing her means of expressing herself and to love whom she wants to love.

I'll quote:"Each and every woman has the right to express herself freely, as does everyone else, as guaranteed under human rights standards our country is bound to fulfill."

We have our rights. The Malays are vocal about it, but that doesn't mean the Chinese and Indians shouldn't lend support to our sisters that we care about whom are affected dearly. Why should they fight their battle alone when it's more than just something about Muslim women, and how it's a question of rights as a whole?

My 20 sen, or so.

But I'm reiterating that the protest was not against all fatwas - just those aiming to control women and how they should conform to the 'ideal' stereotype of the senior religious authority figures, and how they should behave and dress. And that it's not about disrespect towards a religion. :/ I hope I got that semi-cleared despite my not being too articulate about the issue - to which I apologise in advance.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, especially since I'm just another person in the ocean of people contributing yet another relatively insignificant opinion to the discussion.


Feedback 3,
Hi - I was part of the protest and here are some points i'd like to raise

1st) muslim issue?

one criticism we faced was that this looked like a bunch of non-muslim protestors sticking their noses where they had no business to.
i will like to address this in 2 parts

first, that it was not a matter of who we were, or what our denominations were. in the issue of representation, i think the front we had was that we were all united against the fatwa based on its discrimination against women.

second, that just because it is a fatwa does not mean the society as a whole does not feel its repercussions. i dislike using personal examples, but perhaps the clearest one is that i used to date a muslim, and i might again - that it legally does not involve our selves on an immediate level does not mean we do not live with the side effects.
that i am not a muslim does not mean i cannot voice out against what i see as an injustice.

2nd) disrespecting god.

no. to challenge a fatwa is to challenge a human interpretation of the quran's teachings. this is very different from saying "do not worship god", unless the fatwa council is the personification of god.

3rd) "stupid fatwas everywhere"

i agree that when trying to communicate an idea (against discrimination), taking on such an aggressive stance can (and did) alienate some of the crowd that we were trying to reach out to.

essentially i think it sounds like we dismissed all fatwas, but that's only in isolated view of the slogan. if you take into account the recent fatwa topics re: yogas as well, you can see where we got it from.

we also had other slogans, but perhaps not as sensational and therefore not as widely reported. still, to say we are disrespecting islam by dismissing the intelligence of a fatwa is a bit of a stretch. the emphasis still is - the fatwa is problematic.

4th) what the qaran says

the qaran does not actually explicitly state that lesbianism is wrong - if you check the sura that has been quoted, what it refers to is "lewdness".
You are free to interpret if "lewdness" simply means

1) the act of fornication
2) the act of adultery
3) the act of fornication, between two women.
now the 3rd interpretation is frequently assume because of two factors. the frequent drumming in that homosexuality is "unnatural" - which is not the only view in islamic discourse, but certainly the predominant one.
[ see 'islam recognises homosexuality' homosexuality039.html where it argues if sexuality is created by god, its manifestations can't then be unnatural, and the interpretation unfairly takes societal prejudices against a minority ]

the second is that in the punishment prescribed for acts of "lewdness" only talk about how the women should be punished, whereas it is questionable that if men were involved in the act of "lewdness", why weren't their punishments listed out too?

i can't say i'm anything close to a religious scholar, but i will be meeting one soon to discuss this further with him.

What the qaran does say, is that women should cover up their aurat, ie: dress a certain way. there are arguments for and against this.

5th) Reason for strong reaction to the fatwa

to make our disagreement very, very public.

really, people. what's keeping quiet going to do except to allow a legislation that disempowers women to go through?

to presume that the religious authorities will leave you alone or not arrest you because it is too ridiculous to detain you based on your appearance, whether you're sitting at the mamak, or just shopping disregards a very simple thing: this is exactly how the trans community suffers, especially the male-to-female ones.

they are harassed, detained, fined - based on their appearance.

6th) fatwas totally boleh dicabar.

there is a history of fatwas being retracted, or changed - by the very scholar that issues them in the first place.

although msia legally requires malays and muslims to be Sunni muslims, Islam in itself is a religion with a rich history of diversity, in philosophy, debates, etc.
one of the differences about msia is that our fatwas can be gazetted into laws.

the usual practice for fatwas, is that they are religious advice. you are free to keep seeking advice, or fatwa, until you find one that suits you. the system is one where you ARE supposed to think for yourself if the fatwa is suitable for you.

Islam has never been about handfeeding information to you. that's why it's the book you can never finish studying. there is a great deal of discourse and intellectualism that i feel goes hand in hand with the religion, but that is not encouraged in msia if it goes against what the authorities want.

to say that the fatwa cannot be challenged is to say that the people issuing it are perfect - in the understanding of what god is saying through the qaran, in what is best for EVERYBODY - and i say this because in msia, you can't seek fatwas that are better for you.

this is not a mechanism built in for you to escape qaranic teachings - this is simply an acknowledgement that not one fatwa is suitable for everybody.

sigh. this was typed in a rush. i have bucketloads of deadlines tonight. if there's anything anyone wants to clarified, let me know.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Bloggers on protest against Fatwa

Regarding the protest that just happened not long ago. We receive lots of bad reviews from others. And of cos, bad reviews are from the Malays. Especially Malay guys. I just want to clarify that the Chinese or Indians are out there it is not because we are against Malays. It is just because we are on our sister’s side.

Let’s just say…

U r so damn confident dressing in that smart outfit of yours. Nice shirt, with matching tie on it. Wearing it with a pair of slacks. Or for college students, u r so good looking in those jeans and polo-t, all the girls die for u whenever u dress that way. U feel damn confident, u feel comfortable. Most important, u feel this is YOU. But suddenly, u’re not allowed to wear it anymore. They demand u to wear baju melayu all the time. Be it to work or college or the malls. How would u feel?

As for straight girls, u’re comfortable in those jeans as u can just sit however u like. Not to worry when going up the stairs the guys would peep underneath. Remember when guys used to place mirrors on their shoe so that they can see ur undies when they place their foot near urs. Don’t u feel so much safer in pants/jeans? No… u can’t wear that anymore. Be prepared to be ‘seen’ more then…

here are some of the blogs i found.

tomboy = a girl dressed and behave aggressive like man but still attracted to opposite sex ( simple word : poser )
pengkid = a girl dressed and behave aggresively like man, attracted to same sex. ( simple words : almost a man without a dick )

die as an old lesbian


it is HARAM for women to dress up like a man so does for a man dressing up like a woman


Kenapa nak menghambakan diri kepada lelaki? Walaupun jika kamu bukan seorang pengkid, sememangnya salah untuk kamu menghambakan diri kepada lelaki. Melainkan bagi yang dah ada ikatan yang sah.


But when you think about how crime is high, and corruption is rife. And the amount of cases of murder, rape and molestation - surely there are more important things to focus on.


Don't mess with butch dykes, they can whoop ass…

Friday, November 14, 2008

Sad News...

I heard the retrenchment notice is out...

Who got unlucky?
I really don't know

But I really thank you guys on the guidance that you all have provided all these months...


That was my reaction when she slipped a ring through my 4th finger. I was really surprised and touched. I never expect such a thing from her. :D

After work ystd was stressful. Today I’m based in my new office which is located in Mid Valley. So I needed transport down to MV, so I needed to survey the surroundings to know where can my 3rd auntie can drop me off.

All the way been arguing with aunt Amy. Then argue about which route to take. Already damn pissed.

Then after all the arguments with my aunt, at home, my grandma nags at me like mad. Whoa… I almost went crazy!

Then, after quick bath, Beh arrived to pick me up for a short drink.

Once I got in the car, I start bursting like mad. Scolding like mad. Complaining like mad.

She stopped by at the 7-11 near my house. She just grabbed my hand when I was still babbling away, and she just slipped the ring on my finger…

I shut up straight. :D

I went totally speechless. I oni know how to smile. I was really touched and I almost cried.

Lum Sei Yan lohhh… ^^

Monday, November 10, 2008


People can be so irresponsible! Even towards their own thing!

Unfortunately, CW’s certificates are still at my house. Yes… CW… my ex. Must be wondering why is it still at my house huh?

Previously, when we were still together, she was looking for a job, she said she didn’t know how to do resume. That is why I took her whole file full of her certs so I could do her resume for her.

And now, she needed it back. So she called me the other day. Asking me to return it to her. I restricted her coming to my house to collect it because finally my grandma stop nagging me about her. So I do not want my grandma to start nagging me about her again. Why my grandma would nag to me about her? Long story cut short. Attitude problem.

Anyways, so I told her, whenever I’m going out, I’ll text her the day before. If she can make it at the same time, she have to let me know before I go out. And up till now, I have went out 3 times and she didn’t really bother.

1st time, when me n TSL n a few other friends planning to go to The Curve for drinks. That was on 1st Nov, Saturday. I text her on Friday, and informed her that I’ll be in The Curve. Inform me in the afternoon as I need to leave house in the afternoon to settle some stuffs before the drinking session. She said she can’t confirm on Friday. Ok. Fine. Even until on the Saturday itself, I got no calls from her at all. Until I was nicely drinking half way with my friends, she called.

CW : where r u?
Me : I never bring it. Don’t bother looking for me.
CW : ha? How come u never bring?
Me : did I say confirm with me in the afternoon? I won’t be bringing around ur certs with me like some dumb ass ok? Who do u think u r?
CW : uh… No la. They suddenly wanna go Scarlet.
Me : so? Not my problem rite?
*I hung-up*

She really think I would be bringing the certs around ah? Wtf la!

2nd time was yesterday, the day I went to The Gardens with the other girls to watch Quantum of Solace. Again… I informed her the day before via text msg. I never receive any reply. So I didn’t bother. And until end of the exact day oso no sound from her. So I didn’t care.

Today, she called me.

CW : hey, r u convenient now?
Me : convenient to talk or convenient to take ur certs?
CW : to take my certs.
Me : not convenient. I’m home. Grandma’s home too.
CW : so? I just want my certs.
Me : I already told u. not convenient. I don’t wish my grandma to make noise about u anymore. U have nothing to do with me anymore. I went out ystd. Already text u, if the certs are really important, u already replied me.
CW : my phone got barred. My other line, the phone lost already.
Me : whatever it is, not convenient now.
CW : u sure going out with ur gf later rite? How about later?
Me : not sure going out or not. Will text u if I’m going out.
*I hung-up*

so I called up beh and asked what’s our plan so I can just faster settle the freaking certs and stop keeping in touch with CW. And yes. We are going out to have dinner and I called CW back.

Me : I’ll be in Pan Bakery. I’m not sure what time. Probably about 8pm.
CW : ok. Just text me later when u arrive.
Me : ok.
*I hung up*

So beh came and pick me up and had dinner in Pan Bakery. We arrive at about 8pm something... And ah girl was with us too! :D

I texted CW when we arrived.


No reply…

Until approximately 9.30pm, she replied.

“Am watching movie..after movie I call u c wether u r at there or no need to wait..if u wana go home..den go home.bye”

I was like. What the fuck la weih. And I bring along the stupid certs with me.

Beh told me mind as well just courier to her. No need to see the stupid face.

True oso. So dumb la me.

So I replied her asking for her home address.


No reply…

Dun reply right?

Den I’m sorry. It’s beginning of weekdays again. I’ll be busy. So busy to even answer your calls and reply your sms. Since u oso dun give a damn wat. Why should I?

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Productive Saturday...

in the morning, beh tested for me my blood pressure and the result was horrifying. so she dragged me to the dr.

and dr said...

i'm a walking time-bomb.

oh well, i let him take my blood and urine for testing. and im currently under medication.

after seeing dr, we went down to kl for our hair cuts in low yat. the jam was horrible. we made appointment at 3pm but we manage to arrive at 4pm.

it was my 1st time there and i loved the concept! it's really damn nice! but i didnt manage to take much pictures cos too busy with my hair and too busy admiring things.

i'll take more next time. :D

after our hair cuts, we went to sg wang to snap snap pictures at those machine thingie... not gonna post anything. i look damn fat.

we walked around a bit and had our dinner at u-village. after makan, i'm suppose to meet up JA, LM and RW in the gardens for movie. Quantum of Solace. hehe... movies suppose to start at 9.40pm.

so, after dinner we walked towards the car. when we left the premise. beh look at the clock,

beh : ha? it's 8.25 already ah?
me : uh... yea... why?
beh : later u late how?
me : no la. still early wat.
beh : later jam how?
me : orh... *thinking... u drive so slow wan meh?*

then she was driving like a mad bull. and i was scratching my head already why she rushing? and when we almost reaching The Gardens.

beh : eh? your movie starts at 9:40 rite?
me : ya lo. i oso dunno what u rushing about.
beh : i tot ur movie start at 8.40...
me : *Laughing my ASS OFF!!!*

my beh dem cute rite? :D

i meet them up at the borders. we watched at the premier class. and boy... i really look like jakun la. the seat is damn damn comfy! and most important is, the movie is damn damn nice!! worth watching!!

it was actually LM's bday today. so after movies, it's already 11.55pm. so...

we sang bday song n cut her cake at...

yeah! parking lot in the gardens! ahahahaha... yea. we always do the craziest thing. and LM did look damn happy wat... hahaha.

after singing out loud bday song in the parking lot, make wish, blow candle, cut cake. we left the gardens and went to Jaya One for some drinks. due to it's LM's bday... so the waiter came with the bill for her...

any cocks LM? it's only RM22. bring home a cock and celebrate ur bday~ haha!

Friday, November 7, 2008

1 month. Counting down.

I’m a 23y/o girl who…

- left SiS for a shitty company

- left shitty company for the best company

- left a 2 yr rship for good

- found my very dearest tua pui kia :D

- suffers from short term memory lost (LOL)

- great-grandma passed away this yr (2008) at age 96

- went pulau kapas for vacation

- won and lost like crap in genting for the 1st time T.T

- got rid of online games

- finally sees true colors of her friends

- never travel overseas before

- still stays with grandma

- longs to move out and have a life with a partner

- still spends money like water from the tap

- is full of jealousy

- always throw tantrums worst than a princess

- still feels like cutting

- is stubborn

- is still clueless in life

- needs lots and lots of pampering ^^

- loves anime

- loves gadgets

- needs mints all the time

- can't live without handphone

- is crazy about cows

- wants a dog of her own

- loves green apple

It’s exactly 1 more month to my birthday. I’m so so excited! I’m just like a small little girl whom daddy n mommy gonna throw big big birthday party bash for my birthday. Well, I’m so excited plainly bcos, beh’s bday is one day before mine. Den both is 6th and 7th. Den I took leave on 5th and 8th. So I have 4 days off! Wheeeee~ Ok la. Maybe I am over the line la but I cant help it neh… I’m really excited.

I’m childish I know… blueks. :P

tattoo addict

i wanna tattoo this

but i dunno which part of my body le... recommend?

Monday, November 3, 2008


hate my pc! i was doing something. and the freaking software hang on me twice. twice in a night! and i didnt safe it. idiot idiot idiot!!