Sunday, August 31, 2008

Past is past. Trust me, k?

*warning. 3000 word count.

Today is the National Day. And being typical youngsters in KL, we always go out and countdown. But somehow, last night I don’t feel like going out. Cos I just got back in the morning from beh’s place and my whole body muscles was still in pain from the work outs. Especially my abs.

But to my surprise, CW called me at 6pm. At 1st she wanted to ask for directions. Then she asked if I wanna join. I rejected at first. She keeps persuading for more than 30mins till I gave up finally. And the time to meet was at 8.30pm. She came pick me up at my place.

When I got in the car. I felt a little awkward. However, she’s my ex and the last time I saw her was when she never say a word and just return me the stuffs by just showing me it’s in the back of the seat. Awkward…

While on the way to Enigma, we started to chat a little. Updating me on the group of friends I used to hang out with. I start to get comfy and relieved at the same time knowing that we still able to chat happily as friends.

We’ve stopped by at a mamak stall cos she haven’t ate her dinner yet. I didn’t wanna eat cos I really need to get on diet and I’ve already eaten at home. Talk n talk n talk again. And she broke the news to me that she had a gf. But didn’t know it’s official or not.

The reason why she don’t know to make it official or not cos she don’t know if she’s her type or not. That’s one. And she said that, that girl, S, didn’t know how to be a gf. All her time is only spent in studies and friends.

Mine. Of cos I told her my updates. I told her bout beh. And I told her that beh treats me very well. No complications at all. Simple, peaceful relationship.

My advice to her last nite was, communications. Just talk to her and see what she wants.

After dinner, we went over to Enigma and ordered a bottle of vodka. We were expecting another 2 friends, who are her ex colleagues to join us. So we drank while we waiting. At the same time, we do our usual stuffs. Observe people around and criticize. We just couldn’t stop laughing all night.

At the end, that 2 fella didn’t turn up. So we have to finish up the bottle of vodka. I bump into another 2 friends and I keep asking them to drink with me. 2 glass in a row, bottoms up. I even dragged the waiter to drink few glasses with me.

I ended up, spending most of my time in the toilet vomiting. After some time staying in the toilet, to my surprise, she came to check if I was ok. It never happen before for the past 2 yrs. The 1st thing I asked, ‘Why didn’t u do this before? Why now?’

She didn’t answer me.

I kept vomiting my heart out, even until when we went downstairs to get the car from the opposite road. I squat down by the drain to vomit some more. My entire drinking history, this is my longest vomit ever. Gotta jot it down. 31.08.08. 2am. longest vomit ever by me.

I’m still able to teach her how to push my back upwards, not downwards. And I’m still able to tell her to get tissue from my bag, knowing she won’t put any tissues in her car.

After I’m done. I got in the car and rest. Half way driving. She finally answered me. She said she learnt a lot from our rship. And she’s tryin to change. She has waited for a girl in the car for 2 hours. Wow. Impressive. And the reason she don’t wanna make it official yet, it’s bcos she still haven’t put me behind her. She still wants me to fill in the official part.

I told her I’m attached. I’m happy. If wanna compare, beh treats me much much better than she is. She said she understand and she’ll respect.

We stopped by at McD drive thru for another short chat. Overall it’s just about us and our partners.

I told her I’m glad she have changed. Just that I’m not that person who get to experience it. Appreciate what u have now. Make her girl official and treat her well. Nobody knows whats the ending like if there’s no beginning.

All the best CW.

Saturday, August 30, 2008


TJL is in the US for about a month now. Didn’t get to see him before he left and I feel a little guilty for that. And he’s about to discuss with his mother’s lawyer regarding getting the PR there.

Let’s talk about him today.

He was my ex. Whom I didn’t put any effort in. Tho he said I did. But I don’t think so. Cos if I did, things would have work out rite? Or I’m just too lesbian. I’m sorry.

But surprisingly. He’s not like any guy I know. Tho we broke up in a very bad way. (I’ll tell the story later.) He still treats me well and he still cares. A lot, and just a phone call away. And the fact that how deep I’ve hurt him apparently involved his friends and family into hating me. Yeap… I’m a bitch.

I know him since Form 3. This was the 1st time I hurt him.

We met through mIRC and chatted. And at that time, I’m actually dating a bastard who is 6 yrs older than me. But I lied. I said I was single. Hey… cyber world ma.

I remember I refuse to meet him. I have never met him but that year, he sent a dozen of roses to my door step on Valentines Day. And that is when I told him, I’m actually not available. He was upset till his asthma attacks. Critical condition. I didn’t know until few yrs back, he told me.

That was the 1st strike.

The 2nd strike. When I was 18, I tried to be with him. At that time, I have already involved in my very 1st lesbian relationship with a fucker who steals money and caused me losing my job. Fucker CYPY. After I broke up with her, I sobbed to TJL. It’s probably I was so vulnerable and felt protected by him. So, I decided to be with him. But being with a male, is not the same being with a female. And I miss being with a female. So, I start hunting for girls for relationship, while I was still with him.

So the hunt was over, I found someone else. And I left him. At first, he took it quite ok. But not until I went over his place to collect back my things. Few friends sent me there. And also my then gf, SC. When we reached to his place, I told her to wait in the car while I’ll go talk to him and take my things in a proper manner. But she insisted. She wanted to follow and promised to be good. So, I allow her to accompany me to walk to his house and collect it.

While walking towards back to the car, I heard loud slam on the door, loud scream, loud bangings… I got worried. But I didn’t not turn back cos I got frightened as well.

Then, his grudge, anger, frustrations, hatred… all piled up in him. And he rant it out in his blog. And I read it all. I did not contact him. Just get his latest news through his blog. At the same time, one of his friend, purposely printed his blog entry out, place it in an envelope and put it in my mail box. That post, is the post I have read before. And it is probably because his friend thinks that I don’t even bother to read his blog anymore that’s why he/she leave it in my mailbox. Adding few lines by him/herself saying something like :-

Cant u see how much he loves you?

1 or 2 yrs pass by again. And I took the courage to call him.

I asked him why was he so mad on the day I took back my thing. He told me that he saw the look on SC’s face. She look so fucking proud for snatching me away from him. If she’s not a girl, he would have whack the heck out of her already. I didn’t realize that she did this to him that caused him ending up like that.

But I’m glad what he have become now. Although what he did was in order to fulfill his mother’s wish, but yeah… he made it. Completed his law. Waiting for his CLP results and now in the US trying to get PR to stay there.

Up till now, he is indeed a friend that I can turn to. The only friend I can turn to. A friend I can turn to more than I can turn to TSL or anyone else.

We could talk about anything and everything. We could talk from 11pm till 4am. I guess we’re better as friends more than being a couple.

When he was about to leave to US, he did call TSL to have a chat with her. TSL called me after that and told me to persuade him not to leave to US for good. Why me? I mean, he has his freedom. I am in no position to ask him to stay. Even if I do, for God’s sake, things are so much better in the US than being here in Msia. Of cos I’ll support him if he really wants to stay there.

One thing I learnt from this experience and from him is that, Appreciation and care of others feelings.

TSL always ask me, did I ever think of going back with him? No, never thought of that. Tho I did think of what if I did put effort in when we’re together, but if saying getting back together now… No.

I’m happy with what I am now and with who I’m with. I’m happy with my beh.


Friday, August 29, 2008

Ohhh Happy Day~~~ *singing*

Such a lovely day isn’t it? Everyday is a lovely day. Agree? Well, that depends how u see it. Hahaha!


I’m just having an extremely good mood today.


It just happens that I received an extremely good news.



Well, u get good news leads to u have good mood.

I shouldn’t be talking so much cock rite? Hahaha…

Alrite… the good news is… *drumrolls*

I got a job!

And it pays fucking well!

And it’s not 24 hour shift!

And it’s multinational company!

Thank God I quit my previous job.

But I got another interview on Wednesday. Should I go and try it too?

I'm so so so overjoyed now! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~!!!!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I always have a thing about piano players. I love piano players. But unfortunately, none of my gfs are piano players. If I really had one, I would die for her. That is of cos if we're compatible oso lah. I won't die for her just bcos of piano skills lah...

I learnt piano previously. I guess music just isn’t my thing. I only manage to pass Grade 1. Failed Grade 2. Badly.

When I 1st watched Secret, I fell in love. Not with the actors nor actresses. I fell in love with their piano skills.

The Trailer

Piano Battle

Piano Duet

I cried while watching this movie. I tend to always cry watching almost every movie. Gosh. I'm so easily touched!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

2nd chances are bullshit

There’s no such thing as 2nd chance. Why am I so dumb to give my exs 2nd chances whenever they did something wrong?

The agency called me today, regarding my interview with my ex company that I really wish to joined back.

I failed. They rejected me.

All I’m asking for is just another chance to serve the company once more and change my fucking working ethics. And I dun even deserve that chance at all.

Tho I was aware that my records are bad 3 yrs back. And I am well prepared that I might get rejected. But when I got the call, my heart shattered. I cried so hard. Why? Why can’t they just give another chance? They could just fire me if I really didn’t perform. I rather have them to fire me if I didn’t perform rather not giving me any chance to perform.

I’m even crying when typing this.

Michelle… michelle… u look so stupid for crying over some company rejected you… but I couldn’t help it. Just as stupid as, I already know I got bad records, and yet I’m still sending myself in to get rejected. Stupid huh?

If I’m not determined to change myself, why should I be sending myself in to get rejected?

男人 男人 多希望你是好人

the reason i post up this song is because i wanna remind myself on this funny incident in penang. we were having drinks with beh's friends. they had karaeok. so another table chose this song. and... gosh... once we hear it, we all burst out laughing like mad! the guy's singing was ok. but the girl's. aiyoyoyoooo... sound like a baby chick lorh. i dunno la. chick's voice or duck's voice. especially when she sang '男人 男人 多希望你是好人'. we laughed even harder! wahahahahah... until just now, me n beh still can laugh about it.

this is what we call, song polution.

Monday, August 25, 2008

interview whole damn day

Yea… the title sound ridiculous rite? Its true lorh. I really interview whole day. And it’s my 1st time interview whole damn day. Tiring leh…

Today my actual plan was…

9am for 1st interview, then 12pm another interview. Head home, rest a while den go work out.


After my 1st interview, another company called. So since I was in KL, mind as well go finish all my interviews. So, that interview was quite flexible. He said after I settle all oni give him a call.

So I settle my 2 interviews and gave him a call, and he told me to meet him at 2.30pm.

Went in at 2.30pm. 1st he interviewed me for the position of telemarketer. And he actually gave me chance to choose between telemarketer or customer service. I hate selling things so I choose customer service instead. So he called the person from customer service department to interview me instead.

The interview was fun. I saw him circling mostly 4.5 points. It was range of 1 to 5. yay! I love to go interviews when I’m sleepy. Cos I tend to talk a lot when I’m sleepy. Hehehe… weird huh? After being questioned by him. He told me to wait for a moment, as he wanted me to proceed being interviewed by the manager level instead.

*tick tock tick tock*

Den went interview with the managerial levels. It went well too. Yay yay! Den they ask me to wait again cos they need to discuss if I’m suitable. Then the guy came up to me, ask to wait a while, so he could contact the senior manager level for another interview. Bah…. So many levels geh… about 10 mins later, he came up to me again and said the senior manager went out to meet her client. So I don’t need to wait anymore. But will call me again tmrw and if possible, I need to go back there either tmrw or Wednesday.

It was already 5.30pm when everything is done. 2.30pm till 5.30pm. whole 3 hours… siao!

Done lots of walking today, plus it was kinda late d, so… gym canceled! Wahahaha… ei… no kidding lorh. Kenot feel my legs d.

After that trained to KL central by monorail. Beh picked me up, went for dinner. Only ate mc d breakfast. So damn hungry!! After makan, went back her place to take my bath. Feel so fresh after bath! Den just now, as usual. Chill at mc d a while.

Was talking about her grandma and my great grandma. Kinda miss my great grandma. Tho I have not much memory of her… but somehow, it’s family… every Chinese new year, for sure we will go back and visit her. I wonder wat will happen next yr.

im home.

Weeeeee! I’m home! I’m home!


It’s late now! Cant type much.


Wanna sleep now. Got interview tmrw. Wish me luck!!!


Friday, August 22, 2008

streamyx finally

i finally received the streamyx in-a-box package from GDex. but it was few days ago and i was kinda lazy to put it together since i'm still using the maxis broadband. so finally, my butt got itchy so i put it together. but unfortunately the light at the 'link' is still blinking. according to TSK (registered through her), she said if it's still blinking means it's not stable. so i went ahead and call 100 using the home fixed line.

i called total of 3 times and the 1st call i made, i wanted to vomit blood.
it was an indian guy who attended to me. i explained my situation to him front how i connected the cables to how i saw it blinking. and he told me to install the CD. i was like 'huh?' tho i'm not that IT savvy, but if the router is not even showing a stable sign, even if i install the CD, it wont work isnt it??

so, i went ahead and explain again. he didnt even bother to help me to troubleshoot if i did put in any cables wrongly or some sort like that and he insisted that i need to install the CD 1st. so, fine.

i tried installing and damn i was right. it cant even detect the router.

so i called again. this time it was an indian lady to assisted me. and she was right. i was dumb enough to plug in the cables wrongly. *oops*. and i liked the way she handled the situation. very straight forward, very well mannered.

so i went ahead and install my CD. and it got stuck again when it was about to create the dialer.

so i called again, my 3rd attempt. this time it was a malay lady. tho she's a little slow understanding my situation. but when it comes to solution, she's very good. she gave every single detail i need, without me asking.

muahs! love the 2 ladies.

i personally thinks that in order to solve your customer's needs, 1st u need to understand the whole situation. not just kick it away like a ball and taichi-ing troubles away.

the guy for example, it is obvious that he didnt know what i was facing. as an customer service, you should know that if the light is blinking, which means something is wrong with the connection instead of just simple as installing the CD only.

take some time, understand ur customer's needs. need not worry about them getting angry for asking them too detail. cos at the end, it'll be 'pap pap pap. 1 2 3'. all the details are just right in front of them and they'll be very happy with it.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

awake again

i just couldnt tahan my grandma's nagging and needed a place to spit it out.

yes. usual routine. woken up by her to operate the washing machine. then nagging mumbling yada yada yada...

this time the topic?

i was wearing a white polo-t just now when i went for a drink with TSL. and that shirt was making me feel very hot. so after the drinking session. i went home and changed to baju tidur la. den very unexpectedly, beh called and said she's coming to look for me. so i changed again to my shorts and a baby instead of a normal polo-t.

and then... granny mumble lorh... 'u change to this shirt, why? go out with guy so the guy can fuck u is it?'

i was like... wtf?! that baju is not even revealing.

and she said the 1st step i step in the house, i was being smelly. i admit, i smell of smoke bcos i smoke. but to my zhadou-ness... she said i smell so smelly bcos i was hugging guys. ARGGHHHHHHHH!!!

before i went out with beh, my pc was on and i purposely left it on cos i was running a virus scan. and when i'm home it's off! wa lau eh... she really cannot leave my things alone wan lor.

like i always tell my friends... even my drawer missing one panty oso she'll definitely know it.

anyways, back to bed. i'm really getting tired of her naggings. fark... i really need to get out of here. once i secure financially. urgh. frustrated cos no one calls me for job interview!!! and i applied tons!

need to sleep. need to sleep. nite.


女宿舍男生禁地 攀樓會女友.大學生跌死








*source from at this link
may you rest in peace.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

accidental mistake caused a lot

Life is so precious. If u do not think ur life is precious, then think of others. Think of your loved one’s life. U won’t know whether if they’ll still even be here the very next day.

Got a very bad news from beh today. One of her cousin passed away. And it was so accidental and so sudden.

And he was only 1 yr younger than me. 22 yrs old.

He was with this girl and went out for about a month. And the girl thought that things are not working out and she calls it quit. He couldn’t take it. So I think he wanted to either patch things back or get a proper explanation. So he went to look for the girl by climbing to her window. It was pretty late and she of cos got frightened, so she shut the window. And that is how he fell from 4th floor down on the ground.

Isn’t it so sudden?

I thought it was very determined of him wanting her so badly or wanting her explanations so badly till he can do such thing. I think it was pretty romantic of him. When u love someone so crazily, u’ll do crazy things crazily.

On the other hand, I dun blame the girl as well. She calls it quit in just 1 month. She didn’t drag long like I did. And the girl was frightened cos it was late and it will be the same reaction I’ll do if I’m in her shoes. And to know by shutting the window had cost his life, she’ll feel traumatized and it’ll definitely haunt her for a life time.

I’m not supporting or blaming anyone. Both has their wrong, in a good way.

So I canceled my gym session with TSL and went to the funeral with beh. After paying the ‘pak kam’ I went outside and sit down quietly till she finishes her stuffs. I can hear her aunt crying loudly. I could feel her pain she’s having and it made my heart felt sour and my eyes wet.

Tho I do not know wat is ur name, but I pray u’ll rest in peace and u’re now in God’s arm safe n sound.

To the family, relatives and friends. My heart felt condolences to all of you.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


finally i went for the interview today.

beh came pick me up at 12 something in the afternoon and photocopied my i/c. then we went for lunch in wan yu (not one U ah!! almost kena tipu. luckily im smart.).

then she sent me to the company and i waited n waited n waited... while waiting, i approached and talked to the new candidates. me being me la. i wonder did i scare any of them... ngekz.

the interview went not very good from wat i see. tho ppl said being confident is good. yes. i was acting n answering confidently. after the interview, i went blank. so many 'wat if's came out. wat if she didnt like the way i answer her question? wat if she doesnt like the way i present myself? wat if i answer the things wrongly? wat if they really reject me?

the whole day i was accompanied by beh. luckily. she did cheer me up a lot. really beh tahan us being so 'fai'. we at first had a lot of plans to do today. going FOS la, going buy cloth la. we ended up staying home watch tvb drama. XD

now i'm home. no. im not feeling down anymore. just think that i probably can do better than that just now. sighs. as usual. wat's done is done...

beh reminded me to clean room just now... *looks around room* really dunno how to start.

yes yes. i will still clean it eventually.

tata... time for facebook. weeee!

Monday, August 18, 2008

wish me luck...

went for work out again. my legs muscles are not that painful anymore. now is my upper arm. hehe... i love the pain. i love the pain so much till i wonder wat if next time when i did go regularly and i dun have the pain anymore. how??

but unfortunately, they close early today. they having annual dinner. and they only announced it 30 minutes before they close. so we didnt take our sweet time to bath and just went off.

sat at the mamak with lynn for drinks and talk talk talk. imagine. 8pm talk till 10.45pm. hehe... girls will be girls la. keep talking.

now i'm home. all bathed clean n smooth n feel good bout myself. *pom* tmrw is my interview! *jumps in excitement*

-good impression
-talk properly to sell myself
-just say wat is relevent

wish me luck!

Sunday, August 17, 2008


and i'm not even working.

i slept at 4am just now like beh told me to. now is 6.30am. and why i'm here?

my lovely grandma woke me up.

fuck. i hate this. i dun hav good night sleep. i have no rights for good night sleep?

1st she woke me up so that i could adjust the washing machine for her. then she came upstairs and pass me back the money that i gave her for her usual monthly allowances. she pass to me along with the electric bill and told me take back the money and go pay for the electricity bill. i told her, i already pass the electric bill's money to my aunt. she keep pushing the money towards me.

i got so fucking angry. why? why all the good things i trying to do she have to reject? she always used my other cousins to compare with me. why? try asking them to stay with u for even just 1 night. they wont even want to. and i'm stuck with u for fucking 23 yrs and u still say they're your best grand children while i'm just a useless piece of shit who gets fuck n suck bangla's cock.

she said i raised my voice at her. she's deaf and she's able to say that i raised my voice on her.

watelse can i do? watelse can i do other than just crying in silence?

tired and exhausted

finally after so long, i manage to get my ass up and go sign up for fitness centre. and today was my 1st day working out. believe it or not. i never exersise before. other than walking in the park with my ex and that is like wat, no sweat at all. slow walk. i told her proper exercise walk is not slow... well... nvm bout that. not gonna talk bout that actually...

before that went for the facial that i said before this. now my face look so horrible. sobs. then went for lunch with TSL at black canyon in summit usj. waited for my aunt to join, then we headed to the fitness centre.

after working out, i already feeling my muscles on my legs are aching like hell. i'm so tired, i got no appetite to eat.

so i headed home and slept for a while before beh came and pick me up. when i got in the car, she passed to me this.

god... i'm so hungry i can even eat a cow. so when i saw this bread. i was like ' good, i was very hungry. i havent take my dinner. but how could i eat such cute little thing??'

then... it wrote this. it's not edible! but it's so freaking real. and so freaking cute!!! and it smells like bread too!!!

inside, it contains stickers too. yoh... the stickers oso dem cute lorh... dem geram till i can just squeeze n squeeze n squeeze the bread lorh!!

look look... the emoticon stickers. kawaii nehhh~~~

until now i still dem geram!! eeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~

after took my dinper (dinner & supper), she sent me home. and the ache is getting worst. hehe... and i like it. which means i did work out well. going again tmrw.

*squeeze squeeze bread*

geram geram~~

ohh! and i bought the osim uzap mini for beh. she dem happy weih. love the look on her face when i passed to her. =D

Saturday, August 16, 2008


i noticed i've changed.

i used to be a person who discuss things. explain things in detail. make them understand something clearly.

but now...

i refuse to explain things anymore.

why explain when people would think that i'm just giving excuse? just sit n watch me. dont expect me to explain things anymore.

and when people just shoot things at me. i feel hurt. don't u understand me well enough that it was the past? do i need to explain more on why is it like that and now is different? do u even have brains to think that i am actually a human with mistakes from the past too? even if i explain, would u think that it's just an excuse?

so now... would u still want me to explain things and make myself like a helpless bitch who only keeps giving excuses? or would u rather keep me this way and keep watching me change? if so... explain to me why...

now, i rather keep things to myself. even it exceeds my own bloody limit. i'll definitely find my way to get rid of things other than slitting my thighs.


one of my biggest regrets is quittng my old company. other than quitting, my performance sucks. tho my team leader told me that my warp up time is good and he like the way i handle over the phone. but my attendance sucks. yes. i'm always MC.

never once late for work. just that once there's this stupid huge traffic jam that i got stuck at batu tiga toll for nearly an hour. really stupid unreasonable jam. and few minutes late after the 10 minutes late which we are entitled twice other than 1hr meal breaks.

after i resign, all my work experience sucks. cos, i regretted. until the recent 2 companies, i tried my best to perform. but they just step over their employee's head.

now, i finally got the chance to go for interview with them. part of me, i'm really excited. another part of me, scared. scared of being rejected. sighs...

i just got back home from drinks with HTL.

and i dont know why, i feel like doing stupid stunts again. which i havent been doing for a long long time now till the scars is already fading. now i feel like adding new scars.

ish... stop thinking. stop!!!

Friday, August 15, 2008


im a messy person. in every way.

messy house.

the only place that is not messy in my house is the living hall n kitchen. which are all downstairs. cos it has to be presentable. but upstairs. believe me. if u say ur place is messy. come see my place, upstairs that is.

i got the feeling to clean it tmrw, but have to meet TSL after her work. so, i do not want to be all tired after all the cleaning.

mental note: IT HAS TO BE CLEANED!!!

i'll post a picture of it on how messy it could be, after i clean it up. before n after photo mar... ngeks.

messy life.

i dont know wat to do with my life. still fixing the puzzle. i dont have any memories these recent yrs. u know what u watched from tv when they said that part of memory is erased because that person doesnt have good experienced in that part thats why they cant recall that part. well, yeah. i think thats me.

i'm scared u know. really. whenever TSL told me about our past like 'oh. remeber when we yada yada yada?' and i will go. 'no, i dont remember. oh really?'. or when TJL told me we have watched a show at the actors studio before. or how we celebrated his 19th bday. it's scary. and now when HTL asked me if i know that someone from the call centre, my head went blank. i know i heard of that name somewhere, but... how i know her/him?

when i try to recall some certain things, i only have pieces of it. everything is so blur.

gosh... i better end here. i feel like crying again.

but before i do, happy things did happen to me.

like i said, my cheque cleared. done my online assessment. got another interview from the company i wanted. *screams' YAY!'* facial on saturday. getting streamyx very soon.

ahh.. happy things are coming back to me. i wonder where's the good feng shui from. another sagi, which is also an ox is getting her luck back too. call me superstitious but i really wonder was it the sagi part, or the ox part.

and oh!!!

i'm officially addicted with FaceBook.

Thursday, August 14, 2008


my cheque is finally cleared. finally i can do the things i want. FACIAL!

it's been a while and my face i tell u, look like rot d... sobs.

and one more thing is tempting me. fitness centre.

will be going with TSL to renew her fitness centre's pass. she's lucky. her bf's father is the diamond member or some sort like that so he can give certain ppl free!

so when i'm there... i scared i kenot control myself. but, now i'm still job hunting so i'll be free to work out n loose weight. perfect timing. but i'll be damn broke la. bah... consequences consequences...

the last time i felt i'm pretty was like when i was 18 yrs old. not pretty as in Ms Universe pretty la. as in, healthy n fit pretty.

and im only like 23. feel dem guilty...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

3rd uncle's bday

it was my 3rd uncle's 50th bday yesterday. so we gave him a surprised.

i actually totally forgotten that it was yesterday so i already made appointment with TSL for drinks. but later on when my aunt's informed me. so i called TSL and asked her to come along.

TSL has been like a family friend already. and we're known each other since Std 3. *counts* wow... that's like 13 yrs already...

it's just a small family get-together dinner kinda thing. and my 3rd aunt cooked mutton curry! her mutton curry is fabulous!!

presenting the food. not so appetizing hor? but the mutton curry is damn nice lor. oh... got pizza oso. due to massive diet mode is on. i only took one small piece. so so craving for pizza for... quite long time d. :D

ta-da! bday cake picked by my aunt front Sense Cake House. not that nice tho. very sweet. and got a bit taste like medicine. the texture is nice tho. very soft.

i called beh before goin out for drinks with JL and TSL after the dinner. and TSL was making lots of noise in the background saying things. beh is annoyed. :(
sorry beh. will make it up to u. muahx~!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

dumb and brainless people...

they shud just stay away from me. really... before they shorten my life by few years.

i couldnt believe it i actually used to be on a relationship with her and she's so fucking dumb!!

last week, i already told her that i'm becoming anti social. i DO NOT want to trust anyone. i DO NOT wanna keep in touch with any of my hypocrite friends. which i also told her who is who n why is why n wat is wat n how is how... blah blah blah... i told her every single detail on why am i becoming anti social!

but no... she dun get it. she still come and pm my in msn asking me that. 'hey, aaaaa's bday is coming, wanna celebrate with her?' i replied no, am not interested and i dun bother.


'oh. haha. ok. so did aaaaa's call u out for drinks?'


the weather is enough hot, my house have no peace! dun add fire on me already!!!

i ignored her.

should i add her in my anti social list as well?


Anti-Social Mode : On

people change overnight

i wanted to write a long entry in my old previous blog before i
totally cut off myself from the society. yes. am becoming an anti
social. a long entry about how we started and how it ended... at
the end... i didnt complete it, i didnt post it up.

to be honest, up to this date, i still feel the hatred i have
towards her. funny isnt it? i am the one who dumped her, but i am
the one who is feeling such hatred n such anger towards her.

few days back, i was confused. on whether is it that i still
actually love her? or i just feel that i have wasted whole 2 yrs
on her and wat i got it's just a cold door slammed behind me.

being confused, i almost risked my potential love of my life. i
told her that i couldnt do this anymore. things are going too
fast. and while holding her hand, i'm still thinking of my ex. i
just dont feel right...

then... we cool down for good 2 days.

she struck me by a question after that 2 days.

what kind of feelings im having towards my ex? am i still loving

at that point i started thinking. that 2 whole day, who have i
been missing? and at that point, who do i wanna have to be by my
side? and... who is my ex? does she matter to me?

my ex is nothing. just that i feel not being appreciated. but one
thing i do learn from my ex. do not expect everything to go my
way. and yeah... i shouldnt be expecting her to treat me nice
after i have dumped her. what the hell was i thinking?

after i explained to her, she told me that...

everyone deserves a memory, no matter good or bad. learn from the
previous mistakes and apply it on the current one. just like she
is, applying it on me. it is alright to keep this as a memory and
sooner or later, i will only realise it that it was just a scar
and it wont cause any pain anymore.

thank you beh. your words meant so much to me that day and it
made me realised so much.

and as i was saying about the long blog entry that i decided not
to post it up...

i was actually typing half way in the notepad while surfing and
chatting with beh... and i came across her profile saying that
she's actually in a relationship.

i stopped typing. and i was relieved. she moved on. and to my
surprise... in just 2 weeks. i broke the news to beh and out of
nowhere she asked me if i need to walk out and have a smoke. the
hell with smoke la. i'm so relieved i can even open up a bottle
of champagne to celebrate!

funny it seems, people can change so fast. today they said how
much they love you, and i love you forever, and i wanna spend the
rest of my life with you... yada yada yada... and poof! 2 weeks
later, they're with someone else.

so now... who said that people dont change overnite? i think i
better change my bad behaviours... eg:- lazy and forgetful.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

wonderful weekend

it's been a wonderful lovely weekend. enjoyed myself very much. ever since i've decided to go on MIA, i did not expect anyone to call me. such peaceful weekend.

but TSL texted me asking where am i. and i text TSK about is there any toy poodle or miniature schnauzer for breeding. and of cos, all the way, whenever my phone rings be it is phone call or text msg, i always expect it's my aunt.

so now, whenever my phone rings, it's either my aunt, HTL, job recruitment agents, and celebrity fitness, i dont know who gave them my number. sighs...

have an interview tmrw. so nervous. tho i have been to numerous of interviews, this time, i'm extra nervous. cos it is the company that i have always wanted. and it's only to the agency! i wonder how would i be when i come face to face to the actually company. *sweats* so dem kan cheong.

and i've been looking up and down for my CV file and my certs for the past 2 weeks, and just now when i dig through my whole study room, i'm only able to find it. and my hands are all covered with dust. ish... dem itchy now. and my nose. *sniffs*

ahhh... wish me luck~ muacks~

Friday, August 8, 2008

a need to change

had a long chat with HTL last night. main topic is, i need to change.


i know the fact that i need to change but somehow it draws me back to my old self. gosh... why is it so hard to fucking change myself?

i'm lazy. my main main main weakness.

i complain a lot. at the beginning of every job, i'll say it good, its dem blardee good. 2 months later, i'll start complaining till i have no interest at all to continue working.

and just like today, i wanted to get up early, go out and have breakfast while looking into newspapers for vacancy.

at the end...

i woke up at 2pm.

oh well... am goin out soon. goin to HTL's place to watch the opening in beijing.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

new blog, new life, new beginning...


- ditched my old blog
- ditched my ex
- ditched my job
- ditched my old self

and no... i've not...

- found any job
- found any new purpose in life

it's really been an roller coster ride these 2 yrs. and what happened after i broke up is rather fucked up. like i've said, new life, new blog. so i shudnt be saying things from the past. but all i can say is. sucks.

today wasnt so interesting. went out in the morning to acc JA to her interview. she said it's been a while she's been to an interview so she was afraid and nervous. haha... cute girl. after that headed to my old office to collect my pay cheque and clear up my things. there's a new girl sitting at my desk already. i wonder how long she could stand. she seems like those goody goody type. ahh... not my business anymore. company like that shud might as well hire aunty n uncles to work only cos youngsters just wont survive there. and why uncle n aunties will survive? cos their time is flexible and they can go out in the middle of work to fetch their kids. i've seen how the lady boss treated them, and they still keep this job bcos of the flexibility.

i'm not staying in this kinda company. i dun need flexibility. i need good working environment and people who listens and accepts opinions. what to do.. cinapek company.

after clearing my things, JA sent me home. i wanted to head to parade so i could sit in mph and read books. but then again, i woke up early. so might as well i rest at home.